A Breastfeeding Journey Untapped ~ A Story of Two Moms

Welcome to post five in our Women’s Health and Motherhood blog series. Today’s blog post has been edited to include my story as well as my friend Mandy’s story.

Motherhood is full of choices from how you choose to birth your baby, to feeding, and raising your little one and eventually do you buy his/her first car and how do you send him or her off to college. There is no right answer to any of these questions. There is only your way.

Mandy and I hope that by sharing our breastfeeding journeys we can encourage you to do what’s best for you. No questions asked.

Tessa’s Story

Becoming a mom is such a beautiful movement in many woman’s lives. From the moment you conceive until the moment you are holding your baby in your arms for the first time, you are a mom. And with that comes a myriad of emotions. One big question a new mother faces is how to feed her baby. I chose to breastfeed. Although I have no training, and I am not an expert or lactation consultant, I do have several years of experience under my belt (or bra)😂.

We have all heard that breastfeeding isn’t easy. Well, that’s the cold hard truth. At first it is not easy, but for some moms, if you stick with it, it does get easier. My journey through breastfeeding, like everyone else’s, starts with a few bumps. I ‘m hoping my story can give you a little insight to how it can look and how different it was for me with each of my children.

My journey starts with my son, Boston. Let’s just say my delivery with him was not as easy as one would hope. My water broke at home, but no labor started. So, I was given pitocin to speed up the process which it did. But, after pushing for over 3.5 hours, in the end we needed to use a vacuum to help deliver the little guy. I would categorize his birth as pretty traumatic for him and for me. He was left with a large bruise on his head and because of that was also jaundice. He didn’t latch very well right away and would only eat from one side, I think because the side his head that was bruised hurt too much for him to latch or even put any pressure on. Although things started our rough, it seemed to be on the up and up before we were discharged from the hospital. BUT, then we got home and he would not eat. Not only would he not latch, to top it all off my milk had not fully come in yet. I think that since I was induced, my body was not ready to produce milk yet. It was confused. The whole process of trying to feed him was very stressful.

I decided to head back in to see the pediatrician and lactation consultant. They were semi helpful. I emphasize SEMI. I was given two tips. The first was to feed him formula with a syringe and a small tube (they were worried about his weight gain). The syringe and tube method was to help eliminate nipple confusion. At the time, I thought nipple confusion was a thing. BUT… In my option, it’s not! The second was to wear a nipple shield to help him latch on the side that he was rejecting. I did both, as instructed, and felt like the world was about to end. I just wasn’t getting the hang of it. Feeding my son shouldn’t be so hard. And the truth is, IT SHOULDN’T!

Looking back, I should have just used a bottle to feed him his formula those first few days as we were getting adjusted to life with a baby. Yes, you heard right, I used formula for two days until I could figure this whole breastfeeding thing out and I still consider myself a successful breastfeeding mom. During that time, I did offer him my breast, but was unsuccessful. I ended up pumping for those two days. Then like magic, on the third day, he latched and things went pretty well. I think there was a variety of reasons for that switch. The top two being his head began to heal and my stress level had started to subside. I was more comfortable in my mom skin ❤️. I have absolutely no shame in feeding him formula! I did what I had to do to be successful in breastfeeding him. And I am happy and proud of that.

I used the nipple shield the lactation consultant suggested for about two months before I started to phase it out. But that was not a big deal. Just a little cumbersome to always be cleaning and making sure I had on hand.

After figuring the whole breast feeding thing out, it seemed like my maternity leave was ending and I had to start a new chapter in my breastfeeding journey, PUMPING AT WORK. 🙈 I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but I knew it was something I had to do!

I think this is the point we’re many moms decide to give up, and rightfully so!

It’s so time consuming.
I am not producing enough milk
I am a slave to the pump

Those are all legitimate feeling, and I felt them all! But I pumped on. The truth is, your employer has to provide you the time and space to pump.

Although pumping seems like it’s a pretty simple thing, it can be tricky! You need to make sure you have a pump that is efficient enough. I started with on what did not work well at all with my body, and then quickly replaces it with the Medela pump. There are several things you can do to help encourage mill flow while pumping. I’m not a super expert pumper, but here’s an article with some great tips.

Although it would have been very easy to give up during those first few very hard days, I am really glad that I stuck with it. I ended up nursing him until he was 11.5 months old.

Next there is Miss Elliana. Unlike Boston, her delivery was easy, dare I say enjoyable. Seriously!

She latched right away and everything seemed to be going well. The only thing that seemed a little odd to me was that she would pull away from the breast and cry out while nursing and she only nursed for a few minutes at a time, even from early on. I wasn’t too concerned about this though because Boston was a 5-7 minute nurser. So, I figured she was just very fast like him.

After she was about a month old I also started to notice that she was a lot more fussy than her brother, like crying all the time. At her one month baby well-check we noticed that her weight was increasing but just at a really slow rate. She weighed just a few ounces more than she did at birth. Even with all of these signs, I continued to do what I was doing. She was nursing, just in short intervals and more often that normal. I didn’t really think too much of it until at about 3-4 months Nick and I realized she would not take a bottle. She would scream as soon as she took a sip. It all seemed to add up to something really strange. Her pediatrician agreed that we should try an acid reflux medicine and it worked instantly.

Although I was, and still am, reluctant to medicate unless absolutely necessary, I am so glad that we did. She started nursing for longer periods of time, was WAY less fussy, and had a much happier disposition. At this point she still didn’t love the bottle and rarely took one, but did when she absolutely needed to. The moral of Elliana’s story is that if things seem strange follow your gut and do something about it sooner than later. I wish I would have given her medication sooner because it totally changed our breastfeeding relationship in a magnificent way. I ended up breastfing Elliana until she was 14 months old.

(This section was written when Grace was a baby) And then there was Grace. Like I’ve said before, the third time is a charm! Grace decided to nurse as soon as I held her in my arms. She latched on and worked at it for just under an hour. Her journey started strong and she has been a great nurser ever since. She nurses sometimes both sides, but mostly one side at a time. She does like to eat every 2 hours or so, even now at 5 months. She takes a bottle like a champ. She’s all about the milk whether it’s directly from the tap or in a bottle it doesn’t make a difference to her. I don’t know if her success with breastfeeding is her or if it is me being more experienced or a combination of both. It definitely has gotten easier. As with anything practice is the key, and I have had plenty of practice with breastfeeding.

Fast forward to now. I am not longer breastfeeding. I fed Grace for about 13 months when we were both ready to wean. I am so pleased with my breastfeeding journey. I am not an expert, but I am a support system for mamas who have questions or need a friend to listen. I know the struggles as well as the benefits and pleasures of breastfeed. If it is your choice, I want you to succeed!

That being said, although I am an advocate to breastfeed as long as you can, I truly believe that fed is best. So, do what you have to do to feed your sweet little one.

Xoxo ~ Tessa ~ Mrs. Snuggles and Snacks 💜💚💛💜💚💛

Mandy’s Story

After my first daughter was born, the nurse came in and asked about breastfeeding. I had just pushed that baby out, I was EXHAUSTED, now you want me to muster up the energy to learn breastfeeding…. whew! Okie dokie! Welcome to motherhood right?! Honestly, I hadn’t thought about it a lot. I mean I knew breastfeeding was good for the baby, good for my own health too, and I planned on giving it a try, but wasn’t 100% set on it.

It didn’t come easy to me, or to my baby. I struggled with position, with her latching on. It felt awkward and frustrating. Not the ideal way to start. But we kept at it! Got some coaching from the nurses. Tried all the tips. I wasn’t sure I was ever doing it right but they assured me to “hang in there” and that “it’ll come”….. sure it will.

Those first days home with your baby are a whirlwind to say the least. It’s a whole new routine, new things to learn constantly. Already feeling overwhelmed with breastfeeding, I was dreading taking it on without the nurses help. You know how they say babies can sense your stress, it’s true. Ellie totally fed off my emotions. Feedings were hard. I wasn’t sure she was getting any milk from me. She’d cry and cry. I’d cry. My poor husband! Lol! I did eventually call the nurse and asked for help, tips, advice, anything! We tried everything they said. The more I felt I tried, the harder it got. But didn’t want to throw in the towel just yet. I knew it was a learning process! I knew I needed patience for Ellie and I to figure each other out. Figure out my body. But we did give in and gave her a bottle of formula.

I felt like a failure. I felt heart broken. I felt I had failed. But my baby needed to eat, so what was the right thing to do?! I wasn’t against formula per say. Billions of babies are formula fed. I was formula fed! I just wanted what was best for her. So we kept trying. We kept learning. But I would literally cringe every time I attempted to nurse because it got painful. Sore breasts, sore nipples, tension, fatigue. I realized soon this wasn’t for me.

What about pumping? What if I could pump and feed it to her?! Yes, let’s try that! Low and behold, it worked! Pumping was a good option. I felt good that I could give her my breast milk. It took a few bottle brands (which side note, WHY does there have to be so many options! Oy!) to figure out what was best for her, but we got there! What I didn’t realize with pumping though, double duty! If she woke up in the middle of night, I would make her a bottle…that meant warming breast milk, which is a SLOW process in itself, then she’d go back down but I’d have to still pump. Every. Single. Time. Do you know how much a baby eats?! A lot. Do you know how exhausting that got? Incredibly. Some nights Mike would feed her a bottle so I could pump, but I felt bad if he was up a lot at night because he had to work early in the mornings. I was a basket of emotions let me tell ya! Eventually we got our routine down and made it work! Our new normal. I did that until Ellie was about 4-5 months old. Not super long, but when I went back to work, it just got too hard to keep up.

Not long after all that….I ended up pregnant with number two! Grayson was on her way very unexpectedly! For those of you that know our story know we struggled for years to get pregnant with Ellie… so this caught us by surprise! Fast forward 9 months to the hospital after Grayson was born. The breastfeeding convo was coming again. I instantly got tense. I went right back to being terrified of how this was going to go after my experience with Ellie. Granted every baby is different! I was different. Maybe it would go better and be the best experience ever! But….I just broke down and cried when my doctor asked how I was. HOW was I going to do that again? And this time with a toddler too? How was I going to keep up energy wise? My doctor stopped me mid sentence. “Mandy, it’s ok. It’s ok to just give Grayson formula. She will be ok. But she needs you to be ok. You might just need to let go of trying breastfeeding. Your sanity is way more important.” A sigh of relief. I knew I didn’t need “permission” to feed my baby formula, but damn it was nice to hear it! And guess what, she was ok!

Shout out to all the rock star moms! The breastfeeding moms. The formula bottle moms. The working moms. The stay at home moms. The confident moms. The unsure moms. The first time moms. The moms of multiples. The foster moms. The adoption moms. The moms who are full of energy. The exhausted moms. It’s all freaking hard! But know whatever you decide is best for you and your baby is right. Do I wish breast feeding had come easier? Sure! Do I regret my choices, nope! I made the best decision I could in the moment of what was best for me. And that’s ok friends!